It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00 AM, on the first hole of a busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:
"Would the gentleman on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please?"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more the man yelled, "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"
I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back....
"Would the ass hole with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot?!"
Friday, September 4, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Joke of the Day
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right
in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says "How
bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my
fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to
let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next
week."
So the doc takes four tongue depressors and formed a neat
little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an
impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and
on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open
her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched
these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's
still in the CRATE!"
in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says "How
bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my
fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to
let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next
week."
So the doc takes four tongue depressors and formed a neat
little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an
impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and
on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open
her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched
these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's
still in the CRATE!"
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Vail Golf Club, Vail, CO
Vail Golf Club is located in Vail, CO right along side of Interstate 70. Which brings me to my problem.
This course is squeezed between the mountains and the interstate. It plays 9-holes out...then you turn around and play 9-holes back to the club house. Its almost like one big lap. And for a mountain course, it is pretty flat (again, because its squeezed against the interstate and the foot of the mountains).
Now dont get me wrong, the course itself is fine. But honestly, whoever built this had very little room to work with and just managed to get the course in there. This definitely doesnt play like a muontain course you would expect with rolling hills, big elevation changes, etc. Also, it plays pretty short from the tips. Which is pretty normal considering it is in the mountains and real estate is at a minimal to make a course.
All in all...if you are in vail and looking to play golf, I would say go for it. Just dont expect to think you played an awesome course (Park City's was much better. This is generic at best.
This course is squeezed between the mountains and the interstate. It plays 9-holes out...then you turn around and play 9-holes back to the club house. Its almost like one big lap. And for a mountain course, it is pretty flat (again, because its squeezed against the interstate and the foot of the mountains).
Now dont get me wrong, the course itself is fine. But honestly, whoever built this had very little room to work with and just managed to get the course in there. This definitely doesnt play like a muontain course you would expect with rolling hills, big elevation changes, etc. Also, it plays pretty short from the tips. Which is pretty normal considering it is in the mountains and real estate is at a minimal to make a course.
All in all...if you are in vail and looking to play golf, I would say go for it. Just dont expect to think you played an awesome course (Park City's was much better. This is generic at best.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Joke of the Day
There's a fellow who is a golf fanatic.
Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time.
He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, 36 holes sometimes.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.
Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
He returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that shit?"
Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time.
He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, 36 holes sometimes.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.
Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
He returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that shit?"
Friday, August 21, 2009
Bear Dance Golf, Larkspur, CO
Bear Dance is one of my favorite golf courses in colorado. It is about a 25-30 minute drive from Denver, but definitely worth the drive.
The course is in the same country as Castle Pines, which is probably one of Colorado's best golf courses and most exclusive club in the state (and former home of The International, PGA event). When playing at Bear Dance, you will definitely enjoy awesome views of the rocky mountains. This is a place I tell anyone to play when they are looking for a good spot, especially those from out of town visiting Colorado.
Every single hole is cut into the tree's and you dont see anyone else or any other hole. Number 16 is my favorite hole. The tee box is probably elevated easily 100 feet, and you face the rocky mountains and just let it rip. Definitely a fun hole to have a long drive contest because the ball stays in the air forever. The first time I played the hole, I hit my drive and when i looked up I forgot to look for my ball and was just staring at the view of the rocky mountains in front of me. And not to mention when we walked up to the tee-box a huge Moose was just hanging out at the back of the tee box at the edge of the woods watching people tee-off.
The course is in great shape, especially for a public course. I STRONGLY recommend playing Bear Dance when visiting Denver, or looking for a nice place to play to change up the scene.
The course is in the same country as Castle Pines, which is probably one of Colorado's best golf courses and most exclusive club in the state (and former home of The International, PGA event). When playing at Bear Dance, you will definitely enjoy awesome views of the rocky mountains. This is a place I tell anyone to play when they are looking for a good spot, especially those from out of town visiting Colorado.
Every single hole is cut into the tree's and you dont see anyone else or any other hole. Number 16 is my favorite hole. The tee box is probably elevated easily 100 feet, and you face the rocky mountains and just let it rip. Definitely a fun hole to have a long drive contest because the ball stays in the air forever. The first time I played the hole, I hit my drive and when i looked up I forgot to look for my ball and was just staring at the view of the rocky mountains in front of me. And not to mention when we walked up to the tee-box a huge Moose was just hanging out at the back of the tee box at the edge of the woods watching people tee-off.
The course is in great shape, especially for a public course. I STRONGLY recommend playing Bear Dance when visiting Denver, or looking for a nice place to play to change up the scene.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Valley Country Club, Aurora, CO
Valley Country Club is located on the South East side of the Denver Metro Area right on the edge of Englewood and Aurora. One of the highlights of the course was its much needed newly renovated club house.
From the Tips the course is a respectable 7043 yards. Hitting a straight shot is rewarded here as only 7 of the holes on the course do not have water come into play, but of those 7, five have OB on them. Also, when the rough is grown out, it can definitely add a club or two to your shot, and thats if you dont find yourself behind a tree or in a fairway bunker.
The course in general is in excellent conditions. The greens always run true, and the members respect the course from tee box to cup.
The practice facility at Valley is also great. The range is equiped with titleist NXT golf balls, and have greens and pins for target practice. At the end of the practice range you can find a bunker to either practice fairway bunker shots, or fire at the pitching green beside it. On the other end of the practice facility you will find three, par-3 practice holes along with a long distance pitching green. A great place to practice 50-70yd shots (and a great way to lower your score).
The course can be quite challenging and definitely worth a round if you have the opportunity. It can be difficult for all types of players and there are definitely no gimmie holes.
If you are going to play at Valley, I would recommend practicing your putting. Like many colorado courses, the greens can have decent breaks, and you will find yourself wanting to just leg up and put yourself within tap in range.
The score cards give you a very good idea where the pin is exactly, so for those of you who like to fire for the pin, you will have a good idea on your yardage and can really go after it. But be careful as a majority of the greens are slightly elevated, so a missed shot can kick hard away from the pin.
Hole by hole previews can be found here
From the Tips the course is a respectable 7043 yards. Hitting a straight shot is rewarded here as only 7 of the holes on the course do not have water come into play, but of those 7, five have OB on them. Also, when the rough is grown out, it can definitely add a club or two to your shot, and thats if you dont find yourself behind a tree or in a fairway bunker.
The course in general is in excellent conditions. The greens always run true, and the members respect the course from tee box to cup.
The practice facility at Valley is also great. The range is equiped with titleist NXT golf balls, and have greens and pins for target practice. At the end of the practice range you can find a bunker to either practice fairway bunker shots, or fire at the pitching green beside it. On the other end of the practice facility you will find three, par-3 practice holes along with a long distance pitching green. A great place to practice 50-70yd shots (and a great way to lower your score).
The course can be quite challenging and definitely worth a round if you have the opportunity. It can be difficult for all types of players and there are definitely no gimmie holes.
If you are going to play at Valley, I would recommend practicing your putting. Like many colorado courses, the greens can have decent breaks, and you will find yourself wanting to just leg up and put yourself within tap in range.
The score cards give you a very good idea where the pin is exactly, so for those of you who like to fire for the pin, you will have a good idea on your yardage and can really go after it. But be careful as a majority of the greens are slightly elevated, so a missed shot can kick hard away from the pin.
Hole by hole previews can be found here
Joke of the Day
Four men went golfing one day.
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "my son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay, and dances in a gay bar. I'm not totally thrilled about this, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes and a stock portfolio."
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "my son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay, and dances in a gay bar. I'm not totally thrilled about this, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes and a stock portfolio."
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