A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right
in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says "How
bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my
fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to
let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next
week."
So the doc takes four tongue depressors and formed a neat
little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an
impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and
on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open
her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched
these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's
still in the CRATE!"
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Vail Golf Club, Vail, CO
Vail Golf Club is located in Vail, CO right along side of Interstate 70. Which brings me to my problem.
This course is squeezed between the mountains and the interstate. It plays 9-holes out...then you turn around and play 9-holes back to the club house. Its almost like one big lap. And for a mountain course, it is pretty flat (again, because its squeezed against the interstate and the foot of the mountains).
Now dont get me wrong, the course itself is fine. But honestly, whoever built this had very little room to work with and just managed to get the course in there. This definitely doesnt play like a muontain course you would expect with rolling hills, big elevation changes, etc. Also, it plays pretty short from the tips. Which is pretty normal considering it is in the mountains and real estate is at a minimal to make a course.
All in all...if you are in vail and looking to play golf, I would say go for it. Just dont expect to think you played an awesome course (Park City's was much better. This is generic at best.
This course is squeezed between the mountains and the interstate. It plays 9-holes out...then you turn around and play 9-holes back to the club house. Its almost like one big lap. And for a mountain course, it is pretty flat (again, because its squeezed against the interstate and the foot of the mountains).
Now dont get me wrong, the course itself is fine. But honestly, whoever built this had very little room to work with and just managed to get the course in there. This definitely doesnt play like a muontain course you would expect with rolling hills, big elevation changes, etc. Also, it plays pretty short from the tips. Which is pretty normal considering it is in the mountains and real estate is at a minimal to make a course.
All in all...if you are in vail and looking to play golf, I would say go for it. Just dont expect to think you played an awesome course (Park City's was much better. This is generic at best.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Joke of the Day
There's a fellow who is a golf fanatic.
Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time.
He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, 36 holes sometimes.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.
Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
He returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that shit?"
Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time.
He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, 36 holes sometimes.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.
Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
He returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that shit?"
Friday, August 21, 2009
Bear Dance Golf, Larkspur, CO
Bear Dance is one of my favorite golf courses in colorado. It is about a 25-30 minute drive from Denver, but definitely worth the drive.
The course is in the same country as Castle Pines, which is probably one of Colorado's best golf courses and most exclusive club in the state (and former home of The International, PGA event). When playing at Bear Dance, you will definitely enjoy awesome views of the rocky mountains. This is a place I tell anyone to play when they are looking for a good spot, especially those from out of town visiting Colorado.
Every single hole is cut into the tree's and you dont see anyone else or any other hole. Number 16 is my favorite hole. The tee box is probably elevated easily 100 feet, and you face the rocky mountains and just let it rip. Definitely a fun hole to have a long drive contest because the ball stays in the air forever. The first time I played the hole, I hit my drive and when i looked up I forgot to look for my ball and was just staring at the view of the rocky mountains in front of me. And not to mention when we walked up to the tee-box a huge Moose was just hanging out at the back of the tee box at the edge of the woods watching people tee-off.
The course is in great shape, especially for a public course. I STRONGLY recommend playing Bear Dance when visiting Denver, or looking for a nice place to play to change up the scene.
The course is in the same country as Castle Pines, which is probably one of Colorado's best golf courses and most exclusive club in the state (and former home of The International, PGA event). When playing at Bear Dance, you will definitely enjoy awesome views of the rocky mountains. This is a place I tell anyone to play when they are looking for a good spot, especially those from out of town visiting Colorado.
Every single hole is cut into the tree's and you dont see anyone else or any other hole. Number 16 is my favorite hole. The tee box is probably elevated easily 100 feet, and you face the rocky mountains and just let it rip. Definitely a fun hole to have a long drive contest because the ball stays in the air forever. The first time I played the hole, I hit my drive and when i looked up I forgot to look for my ball and was just staring at the view of the rocky mountains in front of me. And not to mention when we walked up to the tee-box a huge Moose was just hanging out at the back of the tee box at the edge of the woods watching people tee-off.
The course is in great shape, especially for a public course. I STRONGLY recommend playing Bear Dance when visiting Denver, or looking for a nice place to play to change up the scene.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Valley Country Club, Aurora, CO
Valley Country Club is located on the South East side of the Denver Metro Area right on the edge of Englewood and Aurora. One of the highlights of the course was its much needed newly renovated club house.
From the Tips the course is a respectable 7043 yards. Hitting a straight shot is rewarded here as only 7 of the holes on the course do not have water come into play, but of those 7, five have OB on them. Also, when the rough is grown out, it can definitely add a club or two to your shot, and thats if you dont find yourself behind a tree or in a fairway bunker.
The course in general is in excellent conditions. The greens always run true, and the members respect the course from tee box to cup.
The practice facility at Valley is also great. The range is equiped with titleist NXT golf balls, and have greens and pins for target practice. At the end of the practice range you can find a bunker to either practice fairway bunker shots, or fire at the pitching green beside it. On the other end of the practice facility you will find three, par-3 practice holes along with a long distance pitching green. A great place to practice 50-70yd shots (and a great way to lower your score).
The course can be quite challenging and definitely worth a round if you have the opportunity. It can be difficult for all types of players and there are definitely no gimmie holes.
If you are going to play at Valley, I would recommend practicing your putting. Like many colorado courses, the greens can have decent breaks, and you will find yourself wanting to just leg up and put yourself within tap in range.
The score cards give you a very good idea where the pin is exactly, so for those of you who like to fire for the pin, you will have a good idea on your yardage and can really go after it. But be careful as a majority of the greens are slightly elevated, so a missed shot can kick hard away from the pin.
Hole by hole previews can be found here
From the Tips the course is a respectable 7043 yards. Hitting a straight shot is rewarded here as only 7 of the holes on the course do not have water come into play, but of those 7, five have OB on them. Also, when the rough is grown out, it can definitely add a club or two to your shot, and thats if you dont find yourself behind a tree or in a fairway bunker.
The course in general is in excellent conditions. The greens always run true, and the members respect the course from tee box to cup.
The practice facility at Valley is also great. The range is equiped with titleist NXT golf balls, and have greens and pins for target practice. At the end of the practice range you can find a bunker to either practice fairway bunker shots, or fire at the pitching green beside it. On the other end of the practice facility you will find three, par-3 practice holes along with a long distance pitching green. A great place to practice 50-70yd shots (and a great way to lower your score).
The course can be quite challenging and definitely worth a round if you have the opportunity. It can be difficult for all types of players and there are definitely no gimmie holes.
If you are going to play at Valley, I would recommend practicing your putting. Like many colorado courses, the greens can have decent breaks, and you will find yourself wanting to just leg up and put yourself within tap in range.
The score cards give you a very good idea where the pin is exactly, so for those of you who like to fire for the pin, you will have a good idea on your yardage and can really go after it. But be careful as a majority of the greens are slightly elevated, so a missed shot can kick hard away from the pin.
Hole by hole previews can be found here
Joke of the Day
Four men went golfing one day.
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "my son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay, and dances in a gay bar. I'm not totally thrilled about this, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes and a stock portfolio."
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "my son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay, and dances in a gay bar. I'm not totally thrilled about this, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes and a stock portfolio."
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Golf in 2016 Olympics?
It turns out that there may be a slight possibility that Golf could become an olympic sport by the 2016 summer games. Personally, I think this would be great for the game of golf, and for the athletes that play the game. Golf is easily considered a world wide game. Imagine that instead of a few million watching the masters, a billion people will be watching two players come down the 72nd hole tied for the lead competing to get a gold medal for their country.
It would also be great for the players. These top players have millions of dollars, private jets and houses all over the world. But to be able to represent your country and compete on a world stage that even Tiger Woods is hoping one day he can do.
Right now they are saying that the proposed format is 72-hole stroke play for men and women with 60 players in each field. The top-15 in the world rankings qualify automatically. Im not sure how the other 45 will qualify.
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) will be meeting in october. Along with ruling on Golf being allowed as an Olympic game, they will also decide if that games will be held in Chicago, Tokyo, Madrid or Rio de Janeiro.
Last time golf was considered for the olympics was back in 1900 and 1904. I say its about time to make this an olympic sport. It is already a sport that the whole world plays and enjoys. Its now time for it to be a sport where countries can compete on the world stage.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Park City Golf Club, Park City, Utah
Last week I was able to play Park City Golf Club in Park City, Utah. Two main things jump out at me about this course: Short and Affordable.
From the tips this course only plays 6622 yds. For anyone who can hit their drive a decent distance, be prepared to play driver-wedge on a lot of the holes. Most of the par 5's can be reached with driver and a 3-iron or maybe a fairway wood. And the fact that it is in the thin rocky mountain air, your ball is going to be going a lot farther than you are used to. The longest hole on the course is 527 yrd par 5 number 16. If you crush your drive, you have a decent chance of rolling up a fairway wood to the front of the green.
This course is extremely affordable for being in a resort mountain town. I think non-locals pay $40 something plus $15 for a cart. Not bad at all.
The course is in fairly good shape. I would give it an 8 out of 10. The fairway grass is a bit shaggy, but nothing too bad. My guess is they probably cant grow the short bent grass due to the harsh winters and mounds of snow crushing the course during the ski season. Of course, playing in the mountains is always fun. You are always going to have elevation changes on your shots (can be really fun on some tee-shots) and the greens will break hard on every hole. Secret to scoring low on this course is putting the ball in the right place on the green. I had 5 three-putts. If you find yourself above the hole it may be tough to keep it close. Even some side hill putts can challenge you.
All in all I liked this course a lot and if im ever back in Park City during golf season I would definitely play it again.
From the tips this course only plays 6622 yds. For anyone who can hit their drive a decent distance, be prepared to play driver-wedge on a lot of the holes. Most of the par 5's can be reached with driver and a 3-iron or maybe a fairway wood. And the fact that it is in the thin rocky mountain air, your ball is going to be going a lot farther than you are used to. The longest hole on the course is 527 yrd par 5 number 16. If you crush your drive, you have a decent chance of rolling up a fairway wood to the front of the green.
This course is extremely affordable for being in a resort mountain town. I think non-locals pay $40 something plus $15 for a cart. Not bad at all.
The course is in fairly good shape. I would give it an 8 out of 10. The fairway grass is a bit shaggy, but nothing too bad. My guess is they probably cant grow the short bent grass due to the harsh winters and mounds of snow crushing the course during the ski season. Of course, playing in the mountains is always fun. You are always going to have elevation changes on your shots (can be really fun on some tee-shots) and the greens will break hard on every hole. Secret to scoring low on this course is putting the ball in the right place on the green. I had 5 three-putts. If you find yourself above the hole it may be tough to keep it close. Even some side hill putts can challenge you.
All in all I liked this course a lot and if im ever back in Park City during golf season I would definitely play it again.
Golf Course Reviews
Colorado
Valley Country Club, Aurora
Bear Dance Golf, Larkspur
Texas
Memorial Golf Course, Houston
Longwood Golf Club, Tomball
Cinco Ranch Golf Course, Katy
Sienna Plantation Golf Club, Missouri City
The Tradition Course, Spring
Houstonian (Black Horse) Golf Club, Richmond
Utah
Park City Golf Club, Park City
Valley Country Club, Aurora
Bear Dance Golf, Larkspur
Texas
Memorial Golf Course, Houston
Longwood Golf Club, Tomball
Cinco Ranch Golf Course, Katy
Sienna Plantation Golf Club, Missouri City
The Tradition Course, Spring
Houstonian (Black Horse) Golf Club, Richmond
Utah
Park City Golf Club, Park City
Its Been Awhile
So its been awhile since I posted on here, but its difficult to blog about something that you havent done or even watched. Sadly, the last few months had little golf in my life. Besides the British Open, not really much to talk about. And there are millions of other people who can give better insight to The Open, so why even waste mine (and yours) time.
But now I think I am going to get back into the golfing world. Even though it is 100 degrees in Houston, it is still playable. Luckily this summer has been fairly dry, so no excuse for not getting my game in order.
Last week I headed up to Park City, Utah and was able to get a few rounds in. The first round was a scramble style tournament, so no pressure and was able to fire for the pin and let it rip. Our team did alright, shooting 66. Not bad considering one of the players on our team is happy just to break 100.
Then a few days later we played again, but this time just regular 4-some everyone playing their own ball. Some how I was able to turn out an 82. This also includes 5 three-putts I had. Maybe I should take some of my own advice and get back to working on my short game. I think I missed three fairways all day off the tee. But what good does that do me if i cant even putt?
Well today I am gonna go and play Memorial again here in Houston. We are hitting up the twilight special and hopefully be able to get all 18 in again. Lets see if my putting game improves today....
But now I think I am going to get back into the golfing world. Even though it is 100 degrees in Houston, it is still playable. Luckily this summer has been fairly dry, so no excuse for not getting my game in order.
Last week I headed up to Park City, Utah and was able to get a few rounds in. The first round was a scramble style tournament, so no pressure and was able to fire for the pin and let it rip. Our team did alright, shooting 66. Not bad considering one of the players on our team is happy just to break 100.
Then a few days later we played again, but this time just regular 4-some everyone playing their own ball. Some how I was able to turn out an 82. This also includes 5 three-putts I had. Maybe I should take some of my own advice and get back to working on my short game. I think I missed three fairways all day off the tee. But what good does that do me if i cant even putt?
Well today I am gonna go and play Memorial again here in Houston. We are hitting up the twilight special and hopefully be able to get all 18 in again. Lets see if my putting game improves today....
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